You’re Not Alone

I’ll start this post by saying I am a big believer in the universe giving you “signs”. Whether they are in the form of a butterfly showing up during a difficult moment, running into someone where you would never expect, or just having the right conversation at the right time, I believe it happens for a purpose. That is what happened to me the other day and why, for this post, we have a guest writer. Many times in the past few months I have felt pretty alone -which is odd considering I’m surrounded by so many awesome women almost every day. I’ve been going through some things with my older son that some can’t relate to yet and then there’s the whole running a business alone aspect. However, while listening to my friend talk about her reasons for feeling alone, I realized while the causes may be different, we’re certainly not alone in feeling that way. I know it’s been said many times, but sometimes it is nice to have a reminder that while we all have difficult shit to deal with, we have many others around us going fighting their own battles and we should be there for each other instead of isolating others or ourselves. Thank you Stephanie for your beautiful words:

“I’ll never forget walking into middle school on the first day of school and immediately feeling sick that it felt like all the other girls’ clothes were cuter than mine. And running home in that day to tell my mom we needed to exchange some clothes because so and so’s were cuter and I wanted to re-shop. My mom got so sick of it year after year, she decided she’d take me back to school shopping AFTER school started each year so I could scope out what clothes were being worn that year.

I laugh to myself about this now. And I’d like to think I’m far more individualistic than to care what others are wearing or doing. I love marching to the beat of my own drum. But let’s face it. Womanhood and mom world really aren’t much different.

I still care what other people think even though I’d like to say I have conquered this. I still struggle with feeling belonging, value, and question am I enough? Will I fit in?

I have had to make a very large decision this week for my oldest son. In the big scheme of things, it’s really not that big. But it has felt very big in my mind. I have struggled with what others have thought or will think, but I have also struggled with what feels like the delay on a desire of mine. It feels like it doesn’t fit the mold and it feels like I don’t fit into a specific box. I’m the crusader of be yourself, be different, be the change, and yet here I am, still struggling with these insecurities.

And so I will preach to myself. Freedom. Truth. Love. I will remind myself that the women around me are also struggling. Maybe not with the exact same thing, but with something. I will remind myself that therefore I am not alone. And I will challenge myself to remind other women that they are not alone either. I will encourage myself to embrace freedom and extend a hand to another to remind her that she has freedom, too. And maybe, just maybe, if we all started reminding ourselves that we are on the same team, that when we lock eyes, we are really all in this together, in this motherhood thing, we could start living out true freedom from what one another thinks. Knowing that we will be loved, supported, and accepted no matter what. That each one of us has our own difficult situations and because of that, we can extend empathy towards one another. Maybe we could start to feel less threatened when someone does something different than we do and maybe this could allow us to grow in our hearts and in our minds, examining our heart motives so that we begin to live out of an overflow of confidence of love for ourselves and for one another.

So, mama. I see you. I see those hard decisions that you face. Those long days you put in. Whether you work or don’t work. Whether you homeschool or send to public school. Whether you live in the suburbs or the city. Whether you look like me or don’t look like me. Whether you breastfeed or don’t breastfeed. No matter what kind of stroller you buy or what kind of parenting book you are or not reading. 

We are all in this together. Let’s give one another permission to be exactly WHO WE ARE.”

Kayla Torres